The favorite flavor of nightmare that I like to dream about. That, and Half-Life. Damm I love Half-Life. Something about those textures, and the way they are rendered just takes me back to a happy place. A place that was simple, and filled with love and understanding.
Just a man, his crowbar, and dozens…
Well hold on!
You need some help, don’t you?
To kill the zombie horde?
THEN I SHALL HELP.
Typically, zombies are slow, yet durable. In most cases, zombies will endure most forms of normally fatal damage with little-to-no impairment of function. They usually possess sub-standard sensory abilities, but we will cover this later. For all your purposes, I will offer the next pieces of advice for dealing with zombies of all types.
-TAKIN’ EM DOWN A PEG
So, here’s that fatal mistake that many people make. They underestimate the capabilities of their enemies. They rush, they shout. They may as well just stick a big sign on them that says: “FRESH MEAT SERVED AND SEVERED HERE”. You see, the biggest killer in zombie warfare?
Carelessness is the biggest killer. The first war of zombies you should be waging is not against the hordes of undead, but rather, against yourself. The first rule of stealth is to always assume that you are being watched.
The first rule of Zombie Slaying is to always assume that the zombies know where you are, that they are on their way, and that they can always see, hear, and smell you.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“Ok, so I “assumed” these things, but how does this help me win?”
Well, simply put, in the game of life and death, those who live, win, those who die, lose. If carelessness against zombies kills so many, why should you not protect against it? We’ve all seen the movies, right? With this under your belt, you are now much more likely to survive than someone else, who just rushes in, and blows everything up. Zombie survivalism is less about being a tank, than it is about being a ninja.
A stealthy little ninja.
DAVY’S TOP TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ZOMBIES
1: Never, ever engage a zombie in combat, unless you ABSOLUTELY MUST. To kill you, all a zombie may have to do, is rake your skin with it’s grubby nails, and give you a case of cranial head meat cravings. To ensure longevity of life, refrain from killing zombies, wherever possible. Also, treat any bites and scratches with caution, thoroughly disinfect and clean them, and give the area a nice little bandage.You might also want to cauterize the wound, for added safety [Cauterize means to burn an area of tissue with a hot piece of metal, in very short, one-to-two second bursts.] If you seem fine after a few hours, probably no need to amputate. If there is any sign of disease or other signs of infection; CUT THE LIMB OFF AT THE CLOSEST JOINT. Then disinfect it, cauterize it to prevent bleeding, and give it a nice soft bandage. Seriously, cutting through the joint is a lot easier to do than cutting through bone. If that fails, cut more off. And if that fails, disregard Rule #1, and help as many survivors as you can, slaughter as many zombies as you can, and prepare to meet your Maker. Or, you could wait it out, and hope that somehow, you recover, and the infection doesn’t kill you. Which is possible, albeit unlikely.
Recovering from a potentially lethal infection follows some basic principles. Ensure that you stay hydrated, and that you continue to eat. If you vomit your food up, try drinking just liquids, and whatever you do, seek medical help if available. Take some gut pills, or just eat raw ginger. But be careful, pregnant women and people with blood pressure or existing gut problems should not take ginger. Also, it may cause a rash, and if that happens, you are probably allergic, and should stop eating it. Stay nice and warm, or cool, depends if you have a fever or a cold. Perhaps eat some nice chicken soup. That’s really about it, and as very few people have ever survived a full-blown infection, I can’t really vouch for them. Oh, and if you suddenly start coughing up blood, relax. It will all be ok. Stay calm, and you will get through this. Just relax, and think positively.
And this concludes the first piece of advice for you in your fight against the zombie hordes!
TIP NO:2 COMING SOON TO A BRAIN-FILLED TOWN NEAR YOU! [Next post]